Professional Super Hero Without a Name

I’m not actually rich. I’m not wealthy.

People have this preconceived notion that you’re wealthy when you’re a super hero.

Do you have any idea how much I spend a year going to the A&E, on referrals, on treatments, on follow-ups? Neither do I.

I’d rather not think about it, if I’m honest.

People have this preconceived notion that you get lots of press when you’re a super hero. That you’ll get medals or acknowledgements. Or at least, a cloak of mystery surrounding you, your persona, where you come from.

I’ve only been in the newspapers a few times, and I’m never actually on television.

More often than not, I’m on the internet.

… god, redditors can be unkind, can’t they? I’m not actually mentally ill, by the way. Although I know it looks that way.

So I don’t have an endless supply of money, and I don’t work in journalism, and I’m not an alien. I work as a courier, actually – just on a bike. I got to know the city pretty well that way.

It’s funny because now my city’s started to be featured on those traveller’s websites. The ones promising quality road trips, quirky diners and also haunted houses, hospitals and entire towns.

Come visit this deserted police station – mugshots litter the floor, work remains unfinished, crimes unsolved…

Oh, yeah, sure, come visit us. And our non-existent police force. You know what happens if you call the police here? They don’t come. I’m serious. They don’t actually come. Ambulances don’t come, either.

It’s not that they don’t care – well, that’s debatable, depending on who you talk to – but the balance has just sort of tipped. I’m a fucking super hero (supposedly) and even I don’t want to go out at night. Or in the day time, really.

And now there isn’t any water. The city’s completely broke.

You think I can fight these bad guys? I want to.

Look, I love comics as much as the next person, but the baddies aren’t wearing costumes or mad geniuses with genetically modified, possibly radioactive DNA.

We all want to be fighting a common enemy, but it’s all just a clusterfuck of poor choices and circumstances and government funding and whatever else.

I’m staying here because I have hope. Why else would I stay?

Maybe I’ll tell you my story – of how I became a super hero – next time.

Reddit still has to decide on a name for me, though.


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