Whenever I Tell You

Sometimes

I wonder

precisely what you say to yourself

 

when you’re climbing into bed

or getting out of the shower

or when you’re putting on your clothes

or bending over to pull on your boots

 

I assume they’d be similar

to what I say

when I’m climbing into bed

or getting out of the shower

or when I’m putting on my clothes

or bending over to pull on my boots

 

this means, though,

that they’re not always kind things

that they’re not always healthy things

that they’re not the kind of things

you’d ever say

to anyone else

 

and certainly

not to me.

 

Whenever I tell you

you look beautiful

you look surprised

even (especially)

when you try not to

 

and I wonder

if I caught you

in the middle

of criticising yourself.

 

or if you just don’t hear it often enough

but it feels

like a little bit

of both.

 

Whenever I tell you

you’re beautiful

you smile

you kiss me

you say thank you

 

but allow me

to tell you now

without interruptions

 

how beautiful you are

when you do your hair

when your skin is still warm

from your shower

or even when you’re asleep

and vulnerable

and smelling like sheets

and your hair a mess of bobby pins.

 

And I know you won’t believe me

I never asked you to

And if you said the same to me

I would behave as you do.

 

But you are worth so much more

than the sum of all your faults

you feel you have.

 

You are a sum of little skills

and secrets and habits

and idiosyncrasies

and contradictions

and I hope one day to learn them all.

 

So when this poem is over

call me an idiot

call me stubborn

call me sentimental

call me what you like.

 

All I wanted you to know

is that I feel my best

when I look at you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s