badly photoshopped banners

of bible verses

john 11:25-26

 

tweets about hypocrisy

and tweets about anal sex

bared flesh on beaches

“want casual sex near u?”

 

 

demanding respect

demeaning female forms

demanding validation

providing humiliation

 

only humans

are capable of creating

such contradictions as these

 

 

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i wanted to be one of the boys

 

when i was 17

 

and so they would test me

and ask me

if i was a tits man

or an ass man

 

never mind the fact

that i was not a man at all

 

my response did not matter much

as long as it was one of the two

 

thus began the gentle mockery

of all things feminine

while they waited for me to engage too

 

as if

degrading my sex

would deepen the bond between us

 

you’re not really gay

one said one day

and, in a moment of defiance

where there had previously only been agreements

of nods, and yeahs, and fuck yeahs,

 

i said no

 

you cannot bend my queerness

to your will

for it will not break

 

you cannot shape it with your hands

because you cannot touch it

 

you cannot hunt it down

because it is not prey

 

my queerness was here long before you were here

and it will be here long after you are gone

 

it is a fire inside me

burning

 

 

i walked past her

at first

 

she held a sign that said

please help

i have 4 kids

and no job

and need diapers

and food

 

and i walked past her

and wondered what size of diapers

she needed

 

i put peaches

and strawberries

and lychees

in my cart

 

and then said to my wife

“i need to buy her diapers”

and she said

“okay, i’ll be right here”

 

and when i went to find her again

she was already gone

 

she’d been asked to leave

by the staff

and she’d left

because she’s a good person

 

but i’d wanted to be too

without a job

without a car

without a work permit

 

but not without hope

 

crafting stories

purely for the pleasure of it

not for publication

 

keeps me sane

amidst the wait

for applications

for approval

for IMM0008

and all the other required paperwork

for a spousal sponsorship

 

the lack of hope

in a story

is hope

 

that those pages

beyond the bookmark

might hold a happy ending

expertly-crafted

poignant

bitter-sweet

 

so i write myself

thousands of endings

thousands of stories

 

lose myself

in synonyms

sentences

and scripts

 

so writer’s block

crushes me

surrounds me

overwhelms me

 

like a paper crane

in a fist