i walked past her

at first


she held a sign that said

please help

i have 4 kids

and no job

and need diapers

and food


and i walked past her

and wondered what size of diapers

she needed


i put peaches

and strawberries

and lychees

in my cart


and then said to my wife

“i need to buy her diapers”

and she said

“okay, i’ll be right here”


and when i went to find her again

she was already gone


she’d been asked to leave

by the staff

and she’d left

because she’s a good person


but i’d wanted to be too

without a job

without a car

without a work permit


but not without hope


crafting stories

purely for the pleasure of it

not for publication


keeps me sane

amidst the wait

for applications

for approval

for IMM0008

and all the other required paperwork

for a spousal sponsorship


the lack of hope

in a story

is hope


that those pages

beyond the bookmark

might hold a happy ending





so i write myself

thousands of endings

thousands of stories


lose myself

in synonyms


and scripts


so writer’s block

crushes me

surrounds me

overwhelms me


like a paper crane

in a fist


pink minced meat

sweating in the sink

quick, put it in the oven before it

starts to stink


let the house fill with it

seep into the walls

sink into the carpet



eat until you’re satisfied

eat until you’re numb inside




the strength of my own sexuality

frightens me


i become certain

that i’m addicted to porn

or sex


and then i wonder

after weighing up the evidence


if i was lied to


despite being undermined

trampled on

talked over


my sexuality rises

like steam


the heat of it

burns me


but it’s so malleable

and i can do so much with it